just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
