Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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