got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
