shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
