you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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