You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.