everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?