I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
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she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
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Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.