Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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