I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious