If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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