my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
