Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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