How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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