Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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