Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
