he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
