So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You need a sexual gate keeper
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
