im holly from the hills drunk
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
