this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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