if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
