Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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