You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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