I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
