you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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