Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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