What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
