She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All the doctor said was why
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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