So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
