No stitches, just platelets and will power
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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