Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
