The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
