so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
