ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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