he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
