I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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