at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Holy sore nipples Batman
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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