I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she smelled like a LAN party
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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