I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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