Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
