I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
