He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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