Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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