my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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