I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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