oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
