I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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