nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I party with great urgency now.
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