Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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