At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
