She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
