Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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