This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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