I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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