Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
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I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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