My liver just broke up with me...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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