he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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