this boner is exhausting
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
