this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
