This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
