why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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