he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
