went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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