your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
