they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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