Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
