We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
