Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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