Kiss
Puke
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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