well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
