The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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