Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
