I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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