It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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