I wish I only lived at night.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
