I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
