No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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